


Brothers

by Piper_Halliwell1979



Series: Brothers [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Hurt Castiel, Hurt Sam Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Post-Season/Series 11, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape Aftermath
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-19
Updated: 2016-06-19
Packaged: 2018-07-16 02:14:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7248022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Piper_Halliwell1979/pseuds/Piper_Halliwell1979
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas looked into Lucifer consciousness when he was possessed and found one of the worst horrors he could imagine. He promised Dean he would be there for Sam in the aftermath but he needs to make things right first.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Brothers

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like what happened to Sam when he was in the cage needed to be addressed and the fallout dealt with. When Sam hallucinated Lucifer it was only mentioned once, as subtext, but it was there.  
> I also felt that Cas was vulnerable and innocent when the reaper put him in a position to choose between an unwanted sexual encounter and freezing to death outside in the rain.

Cas knew following Dean's wishes would be a hard task. Sam had barely looked at him since Lucifer was ripped out of him. The silence between them in Dean's car was maddening. 

"I'm sorry, Sam," Cas offered. There probably weren't words to properly covey the depth of sorrow Cas had.

"You lost him too." Sam said with a tight jaw. He kept his eyes on the road.

"I'm sorry for being selfish," Cas tried again.

"All I could think about was Dean and saving him and I should have considered your feelings as well. I consider you my brother."

He paused to swallow the lump in his throat.  
Sam swallowed hard as well but refused to look over. "I know your relationship with Dean was different than ours."

This time Cas allowed his human emotions to surface. Hot tears stung his eyes. "I let him into your home. I put you in the worst position and I am angry at myself for being stupid." He balled a fist so tight his nails dug into his palm. "I saw into his mind, Sam. If I had known..."

Sam shifted in his seat. His face and neck were flushed. His breathing was more shallow and sweat beaded up on his forehead. He had to pull over. 

"Sam? You look ill."

No sooner had the car parked on the shoulder was Sam vomiting out the door. When it was down to dry heaves Cas helped him back into a seated position. This time Sam was the one fighting tears. He pushed Cas away when he tried to comfort him.

"I never told anyone. Not even Dean. When the wall broke it all came at me and then there he was reminding me."

"What my brother did...by the time I found out it was too late. His grace had overpowered mine. I understand why you can't bear the site of me. I can't much bear my reflection myself. All I see is a monster. I just hope you can forgive me for my transgressions against you. I promised Dean I would be here for you." 

Cas looked over at Sam. He was trembling. So much of him wished he could use some of his angel mojo to calm his anxiety attack.

"I know it's not you. I know you would never have said yes if you'd known. It's my fault. I thought God was sending me visions to confront my fears. And Lucifer...he just acted like it never happened and tried to convince me he wasn't the bad guy." He let himself cry. "He always did that. He did these horrible things and made you believe it was what you deserved."

Cas tentatively reached for Sam to put his hand on his arm. Sam flinched at first but allowed the contact. "Nobody deserves that."

"I can't even fucking say it. I tried to go to counseling, support groups. I felt like a joke. I'm this giant guy who can pick you up like a rag doll but I couldn't keep myself from being..."

"Raped, Sam. My brother raped you. He physically, mentally, and sexually abused you in that cage. And you survived it. It doesn't matter if you look like someone who could have stopped it. You were victimized and tortured."

Sam sniffled and tried to compose himself. He'd held it together around Dean. The whole time all Dean wanted was his angel back so Sam endured the looks and remarks from Lucifer for him. He saved Lucifer from Amara because Cas was still in there. His brother's only real love. And then when he was in his home, his room...At least Chuck made it so Lucifer couldn't hurt him. He felt ashamed that Chuck knew.

"It's not the same. I won't insult you by pretending it is, but I kept something from you and Dean as well. The reaper, April, she...she used my human physiology. I did not emotionally want her advances but my vessel reacted differently. I'm not even attracted to women. Dean taking me to that...that brothel. I had a moment of anxiety and needed to leave." Cas moved his hand up to Sam's shoulder. "You can talk to me. I have no judgement upon you, only my brother."

Sam turned and threw himself onto Cas. He released tears that had been buried for years. Being soulless was the easiest time of his life. He felt no shame. There was no sleep so there were no nightmares. He just worked. But his trauma was the first thing to scratch the wall when he got his soul back. The night terrors came. 

He woke up in a cold sweat and violently ill. He started running again because it felt good to be able to get away. But Lucifer was inside his head, always there. He taunted. He teased. He crept into everything and reminded him of his secret. His shame.

Even afterwards when the voice of Lucifer had been expelled from his brain he remained haunted. When he couldn't "perform" with Amelia she would hold him and tell him it was okay. He was grieving and suffering from PTSD. Little did she know it was because he was fighting a literal demon.

"I'm sorry, Cas. I'm sorry it happened to you, too. I'm not mad at you for saying yes, okay? I know you did it because you love Dean and I know you didn't know. I should have told someone. I should have..."

Cas shushed him and gently rocked him. He knew this wasn't what Dean had in mind when he asked him to care for Sam. But maybe it was best that Dean wasn't here for this, to hear them admit the dark secrets to one another. Dean held them both up so high. Neither man wanted him to see their weaknesses.

"Lucifer is dead to me. You are my brother now, Sam, and I will protect you."

 


End file.
